man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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