And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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