hotel room ftw
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
