I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
