took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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