The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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