so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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