So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
