Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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