my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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