hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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