this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
