But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
