I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You work out of a Hotel?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
