im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
