i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
