put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
