Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
