just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize