Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
