You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
