Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She bit a glass in half.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize