Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
