Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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