You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
