is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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