CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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