if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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