my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
