During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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