from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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