my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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