Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
