At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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