I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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