He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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