I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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