Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
