"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
