Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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