are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
