so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
