Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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