I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
