You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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