It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
