My first STD was from a foam party
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
