There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
