i always forget guys have bellybuttons
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
