How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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