you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
