what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
