I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize