I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
