today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
