I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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