Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I AM VODKA MAN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize