Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
