sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
