If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
