And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
