just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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