what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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