Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
