When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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