She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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