btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
