.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
