Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
